Screwing Up A Wet Dream

Happy New Year!

2011-12-30T12:34:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, friends! The Dream will be back online soon with an interview you won't want to miss. Meanwhile, kiss 2011 goodbye with a song to soothe the soul and acknowledge the passage of time...

Listen to more Stephen Stills at Wolfgang's Vault.

Step Off, Katy Perry

2010-08-08T16:24:00.000-07:00

Colorado Girls holding it down and representing D-Town!

"Can I Have Some of Your Hair?" and other great pick-up lines

2010-07-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

The Mad Men School of Seduction...Season 4 begins July 25

We Are All Kobayashi Now

2010-07-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

What says "fight the power and stick it to the man" like trying to force your way into a hot-dog eating contest, and being dragged off to the pokey for your trouble?

In this age of unchallenged corporate power, a collapsing middle class, hopelessness and despair everywhere, perhaps all that is left to us is one last defiant act of individuality.

Somewhere, Karl Malden is smiling. Kobayahsi wouldn't ~~join the corrupt hot-dog-eaters union~~ sign a contract with Major League Eating, so he was denied a seat at the table for the Nathan's 4th of July hot-dog eating contest at Coney Island. But he wanted to eat hot dogs for the people all the same. You see, Kobayashi is the greatest competitive eater of all time.

True to himself, his vision, and his vocation, taking no heed of the cordon of police officers between him and his hot dogs, Kobayashi stormed the stage at Nathan's. One man against the system, against the machine.

We are all Kobayahi now.

What if America had been founded by mediocre white rappers?

2010-07-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

Only Screwing Up A Wet Dream and the video geniuses at Jib Jab have the courage to tell you the truth about this crucial issue....Happy Fourth of July!

We're So Sorry, Uncle Tony...

2010-06-26T01:43:00.000-07:00

...but we haven't done a bloody thing to plug this leak all day.

After receiving the heart-felt apology ~~of a grateful nation~~ of Republican stooge Dan Barton, Tony "I'd like my life back" Hayward for being asked to pay for British Petroleum's devastating underwater oil gusher, Hayward did what any self-respecting CEO would do: he brushed the United States Congress right off his shoulder and went yachting. Using a high-powered telephoto lens, the Dream's investigative reporting team captured this image of Hayward relaxing aboard his pleasure craft:

The rich really are different, aren't they?

So, how did President ~~McCain~~ Obama take advantage of the tremendous political gifts handed him by Barton and Hayward? By going golfing, of course. Because nothing says "in control," "crisis management," " man of the people," and "in touch with the plight of everyday folks" quite like 18 holes with the cameras clicking away.

Letterman: When he heard Tony Hayward went to a yacht race after testifying before Congress about the oil spill, "Obama was so angry he missed a putt." Rim-shot.

So how did this triumvirate of clowns get their tone-deaf butts off the front page? Luckily for them, ~~a bunch of drunk frat-boy ugly-American tourists~~ General McChrystal and his staff blew themselves up in a rock 'n' roll rag.

Firing McChrystal and replacing him with the near-sainted Gen. Petreaus allowed Obama to look shrewd and in control, for once, and to have the chance to end a very bad month of June on a high note. But like any purely political victory, it's a hollow one that doesn't touch on the heart of the real problem. As astute commentator Eugene Robinson has it, "The good news? Nobody has to pretend anymore that Gen. Stanley McChrystal knew how to fix Afghanistan within a year. The bad news? Now we're supposed to pretend that Gen. David Petraeus does."

Insert your own unpluggable, underwater oil leak / endless, unwinnable war metaphor here

World Cup Highlights

2010-06-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

The Dream isn't that big on soccer. It will never steal our heart away from curling, that's for sure.

But we've decided to get on board with all the World Cup excitement, in the interest of international peace and understanding and whatnot. Check out this stunning footage from the riveting 1 - 1 tie between England and the USA:

Brilliant stuff! No wonder it's the world's favorite game!

The Other Shoe Drops in Afghanistan: There's Gold in Them Thar Hills!

2010-06-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

Well, NOW I get it.

Are you, like me, wondering what exactly we're doing in Afghanistan? America's longest war ever has failed to capture or kill Osama bin Laden, failed to build a strong central government while aiding and abetting the power of unaccountable and corrupt warlords, and failed to defeat the medieval Taliban and prevent them from terrorizing the population, particularly the women and girls who bear the brunt of their theological insanity.

Longer than our involvement in World Wars I and II put together, longer than the fruitless muddle in Vietnam, Afghanistan has exploded our national debt, frayed our alliances, and generally served no useful purpose. But a recent news splash from the New York Times may explain why President ~~Obama~~ McCain recently doubled down on the quagmire at the top of the world: vast stores of mineral resources!

According to the article, "huge veins of iron, copper, cobalt, gold and critical industrial metals like lithium" lay beneath the blood-soaked ground of Afghanistan, just waiting for the gentle machinations of Halliburton and friends to coax them to the surface. So much lithium -- an element critical for the manufacture of batteries for laptop computers and other mobile computing devices -- that Afghanistan could become the "Saudi Arabia of lithium."

The dubious timeline given for the discovery of the vast stores of mineral wealth claims that survey data gathered by the Soviets indicated likely treasure as far back as the 80's. Highly promising American surveys in 2006 and 2007 were supposedly ignored until "[i]n 2009, a Pentagon task force that had created business development programs in Iraq was transferred to Afghanistan, and came upon the geological data." Uh-huh. Can somebody tell me when the Pentagon got into "business development?"

More importantly, are they hiring?

As you can imagine, Afghan officials are giddy. These guys got in on the ground floor; their efforts to better themselves through graft and corruption are about to pay off beyond their wildest dreams.

General Petraeus is excited too. So excited that he passed out while testifying before the Senate today.

In any case, now we're REALLY in it for the long haul. Endless war isn't just a slogan...it's a way of life!

All in all, the Dream prefers this Colorado man's approach to Afghanistan.

You're welcome!

Beatles to the Rescue

2010-06-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, the Dream is finding it kinda hard to get his funny on right now. What with the oil spill that can't be plugged, the President who won't take charge, aid flotilla massacres, the Koreas on the brink of war. The only funny thing to happen in 2010 so far was Betty White hosting SNL, and chances are she's going to keel over any minute now and join the great Golden Girls syndication deal in the sky.

Talking smack over the usual polyrhythm of politics and pop culture is one thing, but who really wants to get all MC Snark with it when things are this bad?

Leave it to The Beatles to give us a couple of unexpected chuckles in this darkest of 21st century springs. Why The Beatles? Why now? I have no idea. They're just still with us, in one form or another, and this is what they do.

Paul swung by the White House to pick up the Gershwin Award for Popular Song. While he was there, he serenaded the first lady with her eponymous song, making for an awkward little family sing-and-sway-along. Is it just me or does Michelle seem rather brittle towards her husband?

But Sir Paul also stepped up and did some political heavy lifting for the boss this week, praising Obama as a "great guy" and telling his critics to "lay off." My man Paul, taking one for the team. Obama will take whatever political cover he can get right about now. Macca went on to get in some Bush-bashing on Barack and Michelle's dime. Noting the performance's setting at the Library of Congress, the cute one quipped "After the last eight years, it's great to have a president who knows what a library is." Paul's corny Lenoism at W.'s expense led GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner to issue a hilarious demand for an apology. What a tool. Thank you, Paul McCartney, for wringing some unlikely political laughs out of these dark days. Now that things are cooling off with Arlen Specter, maybe Paul can be Barack's new bromance.

I had another Beatles-related grin when I heard Andre 3000 -- the creative Lennon to Big Boi's conventional McCartney in hip-hop's Outkast -- had recorded a Beatles tune for a commercial. Check it out:

Thumbs up that the commercial takes place at the happy intersection of music and basketball; thumbs down that it requires us to worship at the altar of the indestructible Kobe & the Zen Master some more. It's ultimately a mildly charming if unremarkable version of a mildly charming but unremarkable song. Those seeking the sonic sophistication of The Love Below songs like "Love Hater" or Andre's interpretation of "My Favorite Things" will be disappointed. Well, it is just a Nike commercial, after all. The end product is significantly less wonderful than the potential the combination of Andre & Fab Four implies, but good for a smile or three nonetheless.

Culture on Trial: "Lost" Edition

2010-05-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

"LOST!"

I know you, like me, will miss the way the ABC announcer called out the show's name over the fuzzy floating letters at commercial break: his voice full of bogus innuendo, horror and wonder of kind that can only exist in the world of network teevee.

"Lost” reminds me of a game I played with the neighbor kids when I was about 8: The Mystery. The Mystery had no real story, no cohesive narrative, even though we made occasional stabs at one. It was simply whatever pseudo-military toy set-up scenario we came up with on a given day. Indoors, outdoors. Plastic army guys, dinosaurs, farm animals, Matchbox cars, Star Wars figures. The imaginary battles changed, reinvented, from day to day. Scrunched-up blankets, Lego castles, a plastic “Guns of Navarone” diorama, or backyard dirt pit 'forts' could all be settings for The Mystery. American soldiers, cowboys and horses versus Nazis and Stormtroopers was some intense fun; what it meant could be worked out later on. And of course it never was. We weren't ready for character development or narrative arcs. But we excelled at making things look cool.

It seems to me Lost had a lot in common with The Mystery. It was preposterous in every way, if hypnotic to the eye. The concluding "explanation" was bound to disappoint. Why not just leave it - a mystery? Ambiguity was good enough for The Sopranos finale. But this is network TV. It was network TV from the second the plane crashed on the island, with the impossibly good-looking actors with $500 haircuts playing comically over-acted stereotypes, uttering painfully witty, cutting dialogue from behind dead eyes - just like every other network show.

Which reminds me...seen the "V" remake? Those are hours of my life I'll never get back. Why remake a show from the 80's with an 80's TV aesthetic? Tepid network melodrama in cheesy costumes hasn't changed in 25 years.

But I digress.

Lost wasn't about anything. They made it up as they went along. It was just supposed to look cool. If they achieved anything, it was to create the atmosphere of something going on just below the surface. A meaning, a real revelation, just beyond the mind's reach. But there was nothing happening here, Mr. Jones. Just some Hollywood TV writers frantically shuffling through ideas and images and a few clever lines of confrontational dialogue. Like kids in the backyard with all their toy soldiers and spaceships and Transformers. Imaginations in overdrive, making no sense, but thrilled with their creations. "Smoke monsters" indeed. Know your strengths, writers.

Stay up for Letterman or shell out for cable if you want good television, people.

Bear on Bear Violence

2010-05-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

Gale Sayers:
“Cutler hasn’t done the job. Urlacher, I don’t know how good he’s going to be coming back [from surgery]. He’s 33 years old (Note: Urlacher is actually 32). They need a couple wide receivers, a couple defensive backs. They haven’t done a good job. If Lovie [Smith] doesn’t do it this year, I think he’s gone. He had a good team the Super Bowl year. Nothing came together for him the last couple years.”

Brian Urlacher:
“Let me ask you a question: ‘How many championships did Gale Sayers win? How many playoff games did he win when he played? None. None. None. Does it bother me? There are enough people throwing daggers at us right now. Why does one of our ex-players have to jump in? There are enough experts talking [expletive] about us, so why does a Bear, an all-time great, have to jump in? I just don’t like that.… Does [Sayers] know how to win football games? Does he? No. How are you going to criticize someone else when you haven’t done it yourself? He’s one of our own, so that’s why it’s so frustrating.”

All-Pro Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher did wrong when he publicly called out his elder, who was guilty only of speaking truth to mediocrity. Sayers is right on every point. He speaks for millions of frustrated frustrated Bears fans who want nothing more than a championship for Urlacher and his buddies. Bear icons Ditka and Butkus quickly came to Sayer's defense. If anybody should have a beef with the fleet-footed one's comments, it's Lovie, whose job security was openly questioned. As for Urlacher, Sayers was clearly questioning his body's longevity in the face of a litany of devastating injuries - not his heart.

Bear Down Chicago Bears, Full sound bite Football sound bites

Urlacher needs to publicly and privately apologize to Mr. Sayers. Then he needs to go into STFU mode until November 11th, when he is to permanently retire one Mister Brett Fahv-ray. At that time he will permitted one ill-conceived, self-serving comment to Leslie Visser. He is otherwise to maintain perfect public silence until the modern-day Bears - the team he leads - wins a championship.

Can't we all just get along? Do it for Sweetness, fellas.

Culture on trial: Michael McDonald edition

2010-05-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

Michael McDonald: schlockmeister or salt-and-pepper soul daddy? Soft-rock cornball or under-appreciated American treasure? After decades of contemplation, the Dream is leaning toward the latter. Muzak sound crime perpetrator or mack-steady FM troubadour? You get the idea.

I first encountered The Voice as a grade school kid playing my mom's records. Minute by Minute kinda blew my little mind. That's right, The Doobie Brothers, 1978. I later developed a theory that a prepubescent kid with a radio could "practice" falling love by listening to pop songs. McDonald's tracks on Minute by Minute were my first practice. I recognized myself - and the bewildering emotional power of Woman - in the songs. I knew I needed to know "What A Fool Believes."   Aided by my mom's dramatic lip-synch accompaniment, I thrilled to the purity of intention in "I'm Here to Love You"; I resolved to keep holdin' on, minute by minute, when Michael sang the LP's title track.

What do we make of "I Keep Forgetting"? It was the 80's. The Reagan era. My mom was bitter and depressed and didn't lip-synch to records for my edification any more. McDonald had left the Doobies and gone solo. The song had a colder, more cynical edge. But still and all, the same gravelly, soulful voice. The same solid base of funk and soul to the tune, how matter how shiny the polish. Sung by the same world-weary lover who has been confounded once again by the depth of Woman's soul. At 12, I was older and wiser; so was The Voice. Dig the crazy fan video on youtube.   "I Keep Forgetting" was part of the melancholy clock-radio nocturne of my fifth and sixth grade years, along with other moody masterpieces like Lindsey Buckingham's "Trouble," the Stones' "Waiting On A Friend," and Joe Jackson's "Breaking Us In Two."

Mike has hip-hop cred, ya heard?

Above is The Voice singing Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On" with the late, great Billy Preston. I don't blame you for thinking nobody could sing it but Marvin. But I hope you're sitting down when you press play. When the first note comes out of McDonald's mouth, you're going to let out an involuntary gasp, all the air is going to rush out of your body, and you will astral project to a higher cosmic plain of peace, love and righteousness.

You're welcome.

Now, for the prosecution:

Not much of a trial if there's no damning evidence of irredeemable cheese. You can see by now that the deck is stacked in his favor, but let's at least try to make it look fair and balanced.

Christmas music. Of the wrong kind. Ouch, Michael. Well, I guess even the voice has to eat. Please, do not drop yuletide science over those played out x-mas beats ever again.

Finally, consider this: McDonald has great taste in collaborators. Here's a track he cut recently with uber-hipsters Grizzly Bear. The Griz had the wonderfully whimsical notion to invite The Voice into the studio to record an alternate version of their terrific song "While You Wait For the Others." They released it as the b-side of the standard version featuring their own lead vocalist.   A younger friend whose opinion I value informed me that this song sounds like a Hallmark Card. The Dream must dissent -- this is one of the best new tracks I've heard all year. Get the wax out ya' ear, child!

RIP Lena Horne

2010-05-11T07:03:00.003-07:00

Kings of Comedy

2010-04-25T21:48:00.001-07:00

C-Rock and Tracy mutual interview.

Discovering Coconut Records

2010-04-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

Did you know actor Jason Schwartzman is a brilliant alt. rocker too? The Dream learns something every day. Nobody tells me these things.

Schwartzman records as Coconut Records, apparently has for years. My man's head is exploding with musical ideas. I don't want to get too cute with the comments yet because I'm just getting acquainted with these tracks, but suffice to say this child was raised on quality vinyl. Schwartzman has an easy but profound command of the 60's-based pop-rock idiom from the Beatles on down. His sound is credibly "indie" without the affectation or smugness. And he'll mix it up and go disco on you just for fun, as in Nighttimin'.

Coconut Records -- It's Not You It's Me

Coconut Records -- Any Fun

Coconut Records -- Back to You

Coconut Records -- Minding My Own Business

Coconut Records -- Nighttiming

Coconut Records -- Is This Sound Okay

He could really just score all the Wes Anderson movies himself, but I guess that would be showing off. Plus, then we'd have to find all the great obscure Kinks songs on our own.

Coconut Records -- I Am Young

Coconut Records -- Microphone

Coconut Records -- Easy Girl

Love this show.

NBA Regular Season Wrap-up / Playoffs Preview

2010-04-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

Put another NBA regular season in the books. Time to ride this playoff tourney right into summer.

This season saw the rise of a new NBA superstar: scoring champ Kevin Durant. I worried how the refreshingly sincere youngster would fare in the Association when he gave rookie interviews including talk of having neighborhood kids over to play video games. How would such a sweetly naive kid hold up under the bright lights and pressure of the NBA lifestyle? Turns out the solution was to send him to Oklahoma City, where Durant has done nothing but ball out of his mind and take the league scoring title this year.

Gearing up to face the Lakers in the first round, Durant now has to contend with the Zen Master's mind games.

Use the Force, Kevin. And by all that is holy and good in the universe, PLEASE take down Phil, Kobe and the Lakers in the first round, so us basketball fans can enjoy some basketball this spring -- not crooked officiating and Hollywood arrogance.

Ugliest end to a great regular season story: the Andrew Bogut injury. Aussie center Bogut had blossomed this year into the player the Bucks wanted when they used a first overall draft pick to acquire him. He turned into a dominating force while quietly leading small-market Milwaukee on a run that made them one of the hottest teams in the league post-All Star break. A brutal fall after dunking on the Suns, below, ended his season.

WARNING -- The Dream is not a gore-monger, but be advised that the Bogut injury video is graphic and disturbing -- just a notch or two short of the Theismann MNF catastrophe.

John Salmons and a scrappy cast of over-achieving castoffs will try to fight on for the Bucks, but their chances against Josh Smith's athletic Hawks seem long.

The Nuggets came within an inbound pass or two of the Finals last year, but despite a strong record and another Northwest division championship, Denver's squad seems mired in melancholy. Seeing your coach fight for his life against cancer for the second time in five years will do that to you. But all the pieces are still there, and if motherfuckers will stop filling up Kenyon Martin's car with popcorn, Chauncey Billups can lead this team to the promised land. K-Mart popcorn rant audio here.

Chauncey

Cheech and Chong introduce Chauncey to Basketball Jones.

New Rule: LeBron James isn't "King" anything until / unless he wins a championship. After blatantly flouting NBA rules by trading Big Z and then getting him back for nothing in a shady deal with the Wizards, Bron-Bron's Cavs seem primed for another run at the NBA title. They're busy beating up on the Bulls in the first playoff game of the year as I write this, but maybe that's because the Bulls are worn out from beating each other up, from management on down.

The more likely team to keep The Cavs from riding dirty all the way to the finals are Dwight Howard's Orlando Magic. Grandpa Shaq, now playing Center Emeritus for Cleveland, got his panties all in knot when folks started calling Howard Superman, but there's no question that Dwight is the most dominant big man in the East, if not the whole league.

He is also the funniest.

Look for the Magic and coach ~~Ron Jeremy~~ Stan Van Gundy to represent the East in the Finals.

With questions surrounding the Nuggets and the Lakers stumbling in the stretch, teams who finished strong seem more likely to come out of the West. OKC is unlikely to bring the grit and maturity to grind out series victories. But Dallas has soared since picking up Caron Butler at the trade deadline, and the Suns have the momentum and face a hobbled first round opponent in the Brandon-Royless Trail Blazers.

If the Nuggets can't get it done, here's to a Suns - Magic finals. It would be entertaining as hell. Has there ever been a finals series that averaged 250 combined points per game?

Saturday Mix Tape

2010-04-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

The Box Tops -- Whiter Shade of Pale
RIP Alex Chilton.

Paul Weller -- No Tears to Cry (Leo Zero remix)
Weller is turning into a major Dream favorite. Top new track of 2010 thus far.

Buckingham Nicks -- Frozen Love (Proper Songs re-edit)
Lindsey and Stevie made a duo record in '73, before they joined the Mac. Why it wasn't a much bigger hit is hard to understand. In any case, this remix slays.

Dave Brubeck Quartet -- Three to Get Ready
Hep Cats of the world, rejoice

It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) -- Messengers remix
Best Dylan remix I've ever heard.

Drive-By Truckers -- This Fucking Job
Think of the Truckers as latter-day Dolly Partons.

Jack Nietzsche -- The Lonely Surfer
Surf instrumentals are part of our American heritage, people.

James Carr -- The Dark End of the Street
Classic 1967 original of the song that would later be covered by Gram Parsons' Flying Burrito Bros., "The Commitments" movie band, Percy Sledge and others.

Crosby, Stills and Nash -- Blackbird
Warning: nipples may harden when you hear the boys hit the high harmony parts on this White Album classic.

John Coltrane Quartet -- My Favorite Things
You're welcome!

Summer is coming, Dreamers.

A prayer for peace.

The one where Erykah Badu gets naked for JFK

2010-04-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Erykah Badu caught some heat and a $500 ticket from the Dallas police for filming this video to her song "Window Seat," in which she walks through Dealey Plaza, site the 1963 murder of President Kennedy, disrobing as she goes. At the end she drops, as if a sniper from the grassy knoll got her. Not sure what it all means, but the Dream loves a lady who knows her history.

Bonus: Erykah Badu -- Real Thang (Spoolwork Remix)

Easter Egg Hunt Turns Up Missing Link Instead

2010-04-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

Children looking for chocolates and painted Easter Eggs instead found a very well-preserved fossil of a two-million year old hominid that fills in crucial gaps in the evolutionary chain. Biblical literalists called off the Easter-Egg hunt and took the kids home to watch "Left Behind" videos instead.

Reacting to the news, the Vatican denied Pope Benedict had molested the fossil, and compared Evolution to the Holocaust.

Now THIS is what the Dream calls religion:

Happy Easter!

Everyone Just Give President McCain a Break

2010-04-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

I think President McCain is doing a great job! Just this week he fulfilled his campaign promise to open environmentally sensitive coastlines to offshore oil drilling. Three cheers for McCain!

Of course the dirty hippies didn't get it.

Michael Brune, the Executive Director of the Sierra Club, released the following statement:

"We're very disappointed to see important areas like the Arctic coast and the Mid and South Atlantic stay open to oil drilling.
"What we need is bold, decisive steps towards clean energy, like the new clean cars regulations announced this week--not more dirty, expensive offshore drilling. The oil industry already has access to drilling on millions of acres of America's public lands and water. We don't need to hand over our last protected pristine coastal areas just so oil companies can break more profit records."

The Executive Director of Greenpeace, Phil Radford, is equally critical of the move.

"Is this President ~~Obama's~~ McCain's clean energy plan or Palin's drill baby drill campaign? While China and Germany are winning the clean energy race, this act furthers America's addiction to oil. Expanding offshore drilling in areas that have been protected for decades threatens our oceans and the coastal communities that depend on them with devastating oil spills, more pollution and climate change."

This guy didn't get it either. Wonder what happened to him after he lost the election?

President McCain really makes a great case for drilling here...fish love it!

I'm glad the President kept that sassy spokesmodel from the campaign around as a policy advisor...she's a sharp one!

Hey, all you tree-huggers who don't like offshore drilling: quit your crying and elect a Democrat for President next time!

The American people overwhelming voted for four more years of pro-corporate, anti-environmental Republican policies, so deal with it!

End Times

2010-03-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

So the Feds dropped the hammer on some heavily armed yahoos-for-Jesus in Michigan. Take a long look at these mugs. Imagine the conversations amongst these self-styled "Hutaree" warriors. The End Times are comin'! Jesus gonna need our help fightin' commies and Moooslims!

Check out their wedding pics.

Cheers to Uncle Sam for taking these guys down. Ever since Timothy McVeigh and Oklahoma City I've felt like not enough is being done to reign in the homegrown terrorist on the right side of the political spectrum. Their plan to bring on the apocalypse by murdering police officers was ludicrous, but dangerous nonetheless.

Personally, I'm hoping for an 80's rock apocalypse.

Terrible video for a very above average pop song. But the hair. The rain's gonna fall on you, indeed...and it's going to mess up your big, gelled, 80's hair.

Speaking of zombies and apocalypse, many esteemed experts believe the world will soon end...in a zombie apocalypse.

Why shouldn't they get their hearing in the "marketplace of ideas?" The internet is great.

I bet Michael Steele would welcome a zombie apocalypse right about now. His RNC office has been spending big bucks on lavish hotels and bottle service at sexy bondage clubs. Republicans are pissed.

Sometimes you gotta just chill out and slow jam the news.

But nothing helps you maximize your chill like spending some time with The Duke. These tracks -- along with all kinds of music and other media -- are online free at archive.org. Check it out.

Duke Ellington Orchestra -- Take it Easy (1928)

Duke Ellington -- Work Song (1946)

Duke Ellington -- Let the Zoomers Groove (1945)

Spiritual Guidance

2010-03-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

The Crazy People

2010-03-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

Remember Victoria Jackson? I thought she was hilarious and kind of brilliant on SNL back in the day. Wha' happened? Now she's a full-blown crazy person out front reppin' the Tea Party! Seriously, she's bat-shizzle. Is she on heavy psych meds...?

"I watch Glenn Beck and he taught me well."

Once Again, Biden Saves the Day

2010-03-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

So, the bill passed. I think it's a disaster all around - as policy and as politics. Every truly progressive idea that the President campaigned on was stripped out, leaving essentially a mandate to buy unreformed private insurance. How is this reform?

I know we're supposed to celebrate this as a "victory" for President Obama. But a victory over who? Not the Republicans. This bill is Romney-care. Obama's victory is over his base, the fucking retards who worked our butts off to elect him. No Public Option, no price controls, no prescription drug re-importation, no added choices of any kind. Just a requirement to pay protection money to Corporate America.

Among the ugliest features of the process was the way Obama and the Democratic leadership failed to stand up for a woman's right to choose and humiliated the Pro-Choice movement, one of the most ardent and loyal of all Democratic constituencies, with the blatant horse-trading over abortion language. Obama isn't done rubbing their noses in it, either.

I would try to warm up to parts of this bill if I thought all of its provisions would be fully implemented. But the Federal government's record as an enforcer of laws against huge corporations is piss poor. I expect that health insurers will continue to fight like hell to get out of their obligations to patients, and I expect them to continue to get away with it.

Most of the boons of the plan do not take effect until 2014. So how, prey tell will this help Democrats win elections this fall? Or in 2012? Will Obama run for a second term on this plan as his major achievement?

The passage of the bill has kind of set me apart from a lot of my liberal friends who are trying to pretend this is a good thing. No fun being left out of the party but I won't eat a shit sandwich and call it caviar, even if my dear friend Barack Obama asks me to. But I feel like I'm raining on everyone's parade so the Dream is officially in STFU-about-HCR mode from now on.

At least my man the Veep lightened things up with a well-timed F-bomb.

There is one thing that might motivate me to get out and vote Democrat this fall, despite my profound disappointment with them: the bigoted scumbags of the so-called Tea Party.

Here they display their patriotism by berating a man with Parkinson's, telling him to look elsewhere for a "hand-out."

These dirt-bags slurred members of Congress at the Capitol to vote on Health Care, shouting "N*gger" at Rep. John Lewis and "F*ggot" at Rep. Barney Frank. Who raised these children?

Let's talk about Rep. Lewis for a minute. A hero of the Civil Rights movement, John Lewis was beaten brutally during the Freedom Rides for integration in the early 60's; wounds to his head are still visible.

Here's Rep. Lewis accepting the apology of one of the Klansmen who beat him nearly to death, fifty years after the fact. The strength, dignity and commitment to democracy of people like Lewis is what has allowed us to move out of the proverbial stone-age, to a better, freer, fairer society.

Rep. Lewis is a great American hero. The Tea Partiers who slurred him and his colleagues just locked up a vote for a very mediocre Democratic product this fall.

Wet Dream status: Screwed Up.

Dylan Covers Friday

2010-03-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

You knew it had to happen eventually...Let's open the Dylan song book at random and hear some cover versions by a few of Bob's many admirers.

Holy wow that's good. Add your own heartfelt exclamation about America, progress, tragedy and song here.

Bruce Springsteen - I Want You
Part of me will never want to like Bruce. But I'm learning. This is a really impressive arrangement and performance live from 1975.

Nico - I'll Keep It With Mine (pocketknife's odd beauty remix)
Non-Bob people might like this one on accident. It's really pretty and modern-sounding.

Steve Earle - My Back Pages

I kind of like Steve Earle as a guy more than as a musician, but he pulls off a hell of a good version of a difficult song to approach. This one is for Bubs.

Jeff Healey Band - When the Night Comes Falling From the Sky
From "Roadhouse" -- rock on Patrick Swayze. All kidding aside, When the Night Comes Falling is one of the greatest little-known Dylan songs, and this blistering take by the recently departed Mr. Healey absolutely soars.

Dirty Projectors - Dark Eyes
Never heard of these guys before but I love what they did with this song. Like When the Night Comes Falling, this track is from Dylan's 1985 LP Empire Burlesque -- a superior collection of songs marred by poor production values.

It ain't easy doing Bob -- just ask Cate Blanchett.

Derek Trucks Band - Down in the Flood
It's a shame Derek Trucks gets lumped in with the "jamband" cliche, because he is a huge talent.

My Chemical Romance - Desolation Row
"Watchmen" made great use of Dylan music throughout. This isn't my cup of tea, but some goth kid is probably being converted to Bob-dom by this track right now - who am I to argue?

Richie Havens - I Pity the Poor Immigrant
Just because it's Richie Havens, man.

Sinead Lohan - To Ramona
For those of you who think young female singers are where it's at. And she's Irish, if you like that kind of thing.

Jimi playing Bob never sucks.

The Fine Print: All songs posted on this blog are for sampling purposes only. Please support these artists by buying their music. If you are the copyright holder for any material on this blog that you wish taken down, just notify us and we will be happy to comply.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

When I first heard this song, the hauntingly beautiful melody led me to believe it must be some kind of yearning love song. Upon closer listening I discovered it was actually about a couple of Irishmen clobbering an English officer who tried to recruit them into the Royal Navy. Beauty comes in many forms, I suppose.

Please check back later for more music; file hosting site not cooperating right now.

Bad History

2010-03-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

Everything is bigger in Texas -- and not just the assassination cover-ups. Texas has just added a big crime against historical memory to its rap sheet.

Led by bible-thumping conservatives, the Texas Board of Education voted to revise standards for its public school textbooks that will, among other things, question Darwin's theory of evolution and the constitutional principle of separation of church and state, emphasize Christian teachings and fundamentalist values, promote conservative articles of faith like American exceptionalism and refuse to give adequate attention to Hispanic and African American contributions to U.S. and Texas history. It would be bad enough if Texas kids were the only ones being misled about their history, but decisions made for Texas texts can affect other states as well because publishers tend to be influenced by the choices of big states.

Attempts to manipulate history for political and cultural reasons aren't new, and will probably never go away. History is a crucial battleground for the competing ideologies of the present. But the right-wingers can't put the toothpaste back in tube: inclusive history is here to stay. So is the Constitution, for that matter. If we'll fight for it.

What would the father of our country -- Glenn Beck -- think if he could see us now?

NYT has an excellent piece making the case for resisting calls to replace Ulysses Grant on the fifty dollar bill with neo-con teevee idol Ronny Reagan. According to this article, Grant's rehabilitation is well under way, and deservedly so. Besides his brilliant generalship in the war, as president Grant fought an uphill battle to preserve the civil rights gains of the Civil War and Reconstruction. Let's keep the fifty nifty with U.S. Grant.

We have other ways of remembering Reagan.

Finally, here's a little story about how the production and presentation of history is supposed to work. Charles Pellegrino's "The Last Train from Hiroshima" -- a much-hyped book purporting to address the history surrounding the American atom bomb attack -- has been pulled from publication after fact-checking showed that Pellegrino had invented certain people and events in the book for dramatic effect. A lot of people stood to make a lot of money from the book. James Cameron had optioned it for a potential movie. Nonetheless, when Pellegrino couldn't give satisfactory answers to several instances of flimsy or false research -- not to mention when it came to light that some of his own credentials were bogus -- the publisher dropped the book cold. This ain't Oprah's book club, where fake "memoirists" can be redeemed by some tears and hugs after being caught publishing falsehoods. We owe history a much higher standard.

Tickle-Fighting Our Way to a More Perfect Union

2010-03-11T16:31:00.000-08:00

What a week in politics. And by politics, I mean bizarre displays of comical behavior that have nothing to do with governing our great Republic.

So, Sarah Palin just came out with it and said she had God on her side.

God doesn't think Crazy McMoose should have to go through the tiresome inconvenience of memorizing her talking points for a speaking engagement either. Turns out the Big Guy writes notes on his hands too. Man, did she flip the script or what? Gotcha, "gotcha media!"

But then Sexy Sarah came back to earth and drove home her argument that socialized medicine will kill us all by explaining how she has crossed international borders to take advantage of socialized medicine. In your face, latte liberal elitists! That's two for Sarah if you're counting at home.

While everything is coming up roses for the Thrilla From Wasilla, things are tougher for Charlie Crist, Republican Governor of Florida. He used to be the most popular politician in his state; all that started to change when he hugged President Obama.

Now unpopular in his own party and losing a primary fight in his campaign for Senate, Crist has accused his opponent of getting his back waxed on the GOP's dime. You know, there are three rules in politics. I can't think of the first two right now, but rule number three is NEVER talk about another man's back hair. It just isn't done.

Hey, get a room, you two.

But really, that's all just workaday, run-of-the-mill, regular political crazy stuff.

This was a very special week in political stupidity. Because this was the week that Representative Eric Massa burst into flame and exploded into a beautiful, incandescent comet of fail streaking across the night sky.

Accused of sexually harassing male staffers, Massa (D- NY 29) resigned on Saturday the 6th. But then the Faux News devil on his shoulder must have spoken up, because by Monday, Massa had changed his tune and was telling anyone who would listen that the Democratic leadership had bullied him out to help pass Health Care Reform (he voted no first time around). Next thing you knew, the Drudge Report was awash in emergency red links proclaiming that a naked Rahm Emmanuel had poked Massa in the showers, trying to intimidate him into voting with the Dem leadership. Can you imagine anything more ominous than Rahm in his birthday suit with his finger in your chest and the evil gleam in his eye flickering through the steam of the hot, hot showers? Whew...me neither.

So naturally, patriotic super hero Glenn Beck invited Massa onto his comedy / variety hour Tuesday night to spell out the vast left-wing plot against him.

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Tragically, Massa failed to confirm Beck's crazed-badger theories about the Obama administration, but instead explained the groping allegations by describing his participation in a "tickle fight" that resulted in four guys piling on him as part of his 50th birthday festivities. Charlie Crist would like to know how much this all cost and can he get those digits? In any case, the whole thing went so badly that even liberal media maven Arianna Huffington feels bad for Beck.

Having embarrassed the right-wing noise machine that embraced him so tightly for a single news cycle, Massa is now out in the cold again; the Democraats have washed their hands of him and House Minority Leader / Indoor Tanning champion John Boehner (R-Ohio) is introducing legislation to reopen an ethics investigation scrutinizing Massa. That's what you get for wasting Glenn Beck's time, Mister.

Now Massa is on his own...with no direction home.

The only person making sense in all of American politics this week was Patrick Kennedy (D - RI). Yesterday he positively blew up the media for hanging on every word of the insipid Massa story while failing to cover the important issues, like the slow bleed of the endless war in Afghanistan.

My man.

Late breaking news -- now Kennedy is retiring? WTF?

I guess that's life in the big city, Dreamers. Our only recourse now is to retreat into rap-comedy.

Lazy Sunday live.

And Captain Broccoli is back...you're welcome!

More Advice for the President

2010-03-05T16:40:00.001-08:00

Dana Carvey Dream Sequence: A Presidential Reunion Extended Scene from Dana Carvey

Thank You Dana Carvey!

Democracy by Funny Video, and Other Acts of Desperation

2010-03-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

Remember back in '08 when celebrities made clever funny little viral videos to convince Americans it was ok to vote for Barack Obama? Ron Howard made a real cute one where he dressed up as Opie and went back to Mayberry, and Henry Winkler was the Fonz, and it was all about how we'd be back to Happy Days if we could just elect Sen. Obama President.

Now those same celebrities are pumping out new videos, this time to convince Obama to actually do the things he promised during the election. Yes We Can!

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

So this one features an all-star cast of SNL alumni who portrayed Presidents past, urging the current CIC to back strong financial reform legislation. It will be a tough sell, because such legislation is bound to hurt the feelings of some Republican, somewhere. And that, my friend, is not how we do things in Obama's America.

Hilarious, but Phil Hartman's brilliant Reagan impression is sorely missed. Nice fill-in from Jim Carey. Actually Darrel Hammond pretty much carries the whole thing with his over-sexed Clinton shtick. And God love Akroyd but he's gotten way too fat to play Jimmy Carter.

Meanwhile, Chris Dodd (D - Wall Street) is working to kill the financial regulation in question, in part by tucking a proposed Consumer Protection Office into the Treasury Department, which will undoubtedly continue to studiously ignore the rights of consumers, as they always have. Barney Frank is pissed.

In the end, President Obama will probably find "middle ground" by neutering any serious financial regulation attempted by progressives in Congress. In the name of "Bipartisanship," of course. There's a reason it's called "Screwing Up A Wet Dream," kids.

On a lighter note, here's some dipshit screwing up Nirvana music for all time by ice skating to it. Shouldn't this youngster be doing something more productive than ruining the music of my youth? Like, say, curling? Your country is going to need you to sweep that Moscow ice in 2014, son. Sweep it good.

Here's a great political story that even the Prez can't screw up: another gay, anti-gay Republican politician busted.
California State Senator Roy Ashburn, a Republican known for opposing gay rights, was arrested driving drunk after leaving a gay club in Sacramento late last night. Minneapolis Airport officials said Larry Craig was not available for comment.

You're welcome!

Olympic Wrap-Up

2010-03-01T17:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the Olympics are over and everyone wins. The USA had the most medals, but Canada had the most gold. Canada also won gold in both men's and women's hockey, preventing mass suicides and other cataclysmic disruptions to its ever-so-fragile social fabric.

The Canadian women's hockey squad wins twice over, because despite criticism of their boozing and cigar-smoking antics on the ice after their gold-medal victory, they proved they have excellent taste in science fiction television .

I win, because I get 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation back; some mouth-breather somewhere wins because they get Jay Leno back in the Tonight Show slot.

Curling wins, because the Winter Olympics somehow persuaded millions of viewers that this bizarre genre of performance art is actually some of kind of sporting event. Way to get over, curlers. Dadaism On Ice!

~~Burned out hippie relic~~ Canadian-born folk-rock icon Neil Young wins because he blessed the closing ceremonies with a moving performance of his 70's classic "Pants on the Ground" ...I mean "Long May You Run." Good show, Neil! Insert your own After the Goldrush joke here.

Mimes, mooses (sp? what is the plural of moose? Governor Palin, are you there?) and Captain Kirk all won, too.

The only loser? NBC, of course. Their coverage was savaged far and wide, not least for the way they cut abruptly from the closing ceremonies to their ridiculous new show "The Marriage Ref," which does not feature the comedic talents of Jerry Seinfeld.

The Dream is frantically working all of our international organized crime connections for tickets to the 2014 winter games in Moscow! Russian sports authorities are currently ~~conducting a brutal pogrom against their own coaches and athletes~~ evaluating methods for improving on their Vancouver performance, Russia's worst at the winter games in 98 years.

As Sting once sang, I hope the Russians love their children too. And I hope they can curl like motherfuckers.

Oh No He Didn't!

2010-02-25T12:41:00.000-08:00

Check out this old balding guy from Argentina getting way up to block Kevin Durant at the rim. But don't get it twisted, the Dream loves the freak ballin' in OKC. Super nice kid and a legit MVP contender -- that's why Manu's block is so redonk. We haven't seen this Manu Ginobili for a long time. This looks like the guy who tormented the Nuggets so ruthlessly a few years back.

But Durant is the future. Look at the youngster's work the other night against the Knicks.

More Olympic fun! Hockey people are morally superior human beings, just ask any subliminal racist sports talk radio jock! Except this guy, NBC analyst Mike Milbury, who called the Russian team "Eurotrash," and noted thoughtfully that German coach Uwe Krupp asked his squad "to just basically be fire hydrants and they're getting peed on right now." Keep it classy, bro. That's what the Olympics are all about.

US Skater Johnny Weir is a gutsy kid. The object of some derisive commentary due to his flamboyant style (yes, he's gay), Weir called a press conference to rebuff his critics and to thank his parents for letting him grow up safe and supported in who he is. Check the video here, yahoo! and the Olympic police won't let it be embedded.

And finally, Ms. Badu -- because I can.

You're welcome!

Betty White, Obama Girl, and Me

2010-02-23T23:52:00.000-08:00

In the most inspiring instance of collective internet activism since...since the Barack Obama campaign...ok, bad example....well anyway, a bunch of people on facebook want Betty White to host SNL and it looks like it's going to happen. Yay! The people want it so it's going to happen. It's like democracy in action! Er....ok, yeah...really bad example...anyway, Betty White is great and real funny and let's hope she gets the gig.

Hey, speaking of democracy, the Dream really picked a hell of a time to start a blog with politics as a major theme, eh? Politics is no fun anymore. We don't have George Bush to kick around, and the guy we got to clean up after him ain't getting it done. Trying to love Barack Obama is like being in an abusive relationship. You want to remember the good times, when he could do no wrong. Yes We Can! But now you've learned through hard experience that he's just going to break your heart again and again. In fact, I bet he's with that slutty insurance lobbyist RIGHT NOW. Why doesn't he answer his phone? Oh, but when he gives a speech, you just go weak in the knees all over again....so inspiring.

Even Obama Girl has given up on the Prez. That's gotta hurt. The foxy Amber Lee Ettinger, who once sang Universal health care reform / It makes me warm / You tell the truth unlike the right / You can love but you can fight has changed her mind due to the big guy's "broken promises." Ouch. If only he could fight.

We're mad as hell but funny reverse captioning of classic movies might allow us to take it just a little bit more.

Not to mention funny Olympics! For example, curling. Just...curling.

And then, on the next level of funny, crying over curling. How can you cry when those people are out there frantically sweeping the ice in front of that big sliding tub-of-cheese thing like some kind of wacky Charlie Chaplin movie on peyote? It's anything but tragic, really. More Olympic funny: this guy!

Russian ice diva Evgeni Plushenko wasn't happy with his silver medal for figure skating, so he leap-frogged Evan Lysacek's gold and awarded himself a platinum medal on his own website! Way to think outside the box.

This guy probably did something real funny too but not I'm not sure what.

So basically, until Lorne Michaels puts Betty White on Saturday Night Live, all we have to keep us going is curling. And that's not a great place to be. Hey look, curling porn! The internet is great.

On a completely unrelated note, a silly homemade video for a great Kinks song. Guaranteed to make you smile if you can't find any tape-delayed curling on the tube.

Keeping Up With the Palins

2010-02-19T12:16:00.000-08:00

Wacky Republican Fridays are back!

Apparently Sarah Palin's Going Rouge checks and Faux News blood money aren't enough to keep baby Trig in diapers and animal crackers, because Bristol and her brilliant, talented mother are going after Levi Johnston to the tune of $1,750 per month in child support. Levi says he'll pay, but he wants visitation rights, which have thus far been denied him. Seems reasonable enough. But the Palins don't do reasonable. Choosing instead to intimidate Levi into accepting their terms, Palin's lawyers are trying subpoena CNN and Playgirl magazine to ascertain exactly how much Levi has earned with his various media antics. Gotta get that Playgirl money, honey. Don't forget the pistachio windfall either.

Levi Johnston Gets Crackin' Wonderful Pistachios - The best video clips are right here

The upside of having the Crazy McMoose family in the news? Tina Fey will likely reprise her Palin impression when she hosts Saturday Night Live show in April.

I Can See Russia From My House sound bite TV sound bites

The Dream loves some Tina Fey.

In other wacky Republican news, Mitt Romney survives airplane smackdown with rappers! Yes, the haircut that would be President got into it with some guy in an "electro-hip-hop" group called LMFAO over a reclining airplane seat on his way back from Vancouver Olympics. Would it be redundant to note that I am LMFAO right now? Yeah, I thought so. In any case, Romney had the rapper -- who glosses himself "Sky Blu" -- removed from the plane. Shouldn't someone named "Sky Blu" be trying to recruit folks into his ashram or something instead of battling GOPer's on Canadian passenger jets? Neither Romney nor his hair were harmed, though the encounter was described as "violent." Here's what the LMFAO crew has to say about the encounter:

What would Bill Hendricks say?

Hollywood conservative Joel Surnow, creator of the Bush-era torture-porn TV show 24, is working on a multi-part docu-smear of the Kennedy family for the History Channel. Friends of the Kennedys who have read the proposed script say the program is a right-wing hit-job featuring errors of fact as well as...wait for it...JFK sex scenes. OK, we know the man got around. But you're going to film sex scene "reenactments" and call it history? Kennedy allies are trying to kill the show before it hits the air, read what they have to say at stopkennedysmears.com.

Finally, conservative pundit Tucker Carlson has a message for Republican parents everywhere: college might turn your kids liberal! Time to start designing those home-school Bachelor Degree programs. Remember, ignorance is power!

Links & Lists

2010-02-17T14:59:00.000-08:00

Move over John Cusack, you're not the only one making lists. Doing High Fidelity's "top 5" lists one better is no less an institution than the Vatican, who have done humanity the service of publishing a top 10 list of its favorite pop albums of all time in L’Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper. And it's not a bad list. Number one is the extremely hip and savvy choice of The Beatles' Revolver. Only a true cognoscenti avoids the Sergeant Pepper's trap and goes with the truly revolutionary 1966 Revolver LP, so props to the Pope's peeps for that. Apparently John Lennon's adaptation of the Tibetan Book of the Dead into the acid-drenched, proto-psychedelic masterpiece "Tomorrow Never Knows" neither undermines church doctrine nor endangers the eternal salvation of the Catholic faithful.

But then things get interesting. The late great Michael Jackson's Thriller gets a spot on the list, marauding zombie dancers and all. Seems wholesome. Pink Floyd's existential opus Dark Side of the Moon gets the nod, as does Fleetwood Mac's coked-out California soap opera Rumors. But the real comedy on the Pope's Tops of the Pops comes at the number 2 slot: David Crosby's 1971 solo album If I Could Only Remember My Name.

This fairly obscure artifact of of drugged-out hippie utopia isn't a bad record, if you like that kind of thing. It contains some fine playing from Jerry Garcia, including the best pedal steel parts he ever recorded. Crosby pals Neil Young, Graham Nash and Joni Mitchell add their voices and Jefferson Airplane axe-man Jorma Koukonen acquits himself nicely on lead guitar. But it's hard to imagine a document of the counter-culture more intrinsically alienated from and hostile to the established order of which the Holy See is a two-millennium symbol. The title of the album itself is a celebration of advanced drug abuse. Upon its release, Rolling Stone magazine gave the album only one star and said it represented the bloated, overripe end of psychedelia. Despite his musical achievements, Crosby himself is better known as a crack-head and jailbird, with drug 'n gun arrests continuing into the twenty-first century. No matter. Maybe the Pope has discovered medical marijuana, and, shall we say, broadened his musical horizons. But really, why the Crosby solo record? Hasn't he heard the CSN couch album? Should I burn him some Buffalo Springfield tunes?
Rock on, Ratzinger.

Technology run amok: Xtranormal.com lets computer-challenged individuals like the Dream create animated videos with dialogue by doing little more than typing in the 'script' for your animated actors. Various settings, actions, and costumes for your "actors" are easily selected at the touch of a button. The implications for advanced internet time-wasting are mind-boggling. To celebrate, here is today's blog as performed by Xtranormal's master thespian, Captain Broccoli. You say you don't know Captain Broccoli? You will, Dreamers...you will.

Good News department: Here's a completely un-ironic and uplifting story of personal friendship triumphing over politics, racism, oppression and vast cultural differences. South African leader Nelson Mandela befriended one of his prison guards, a young Afrikaner who eventually risked his own job and well-being to make Mandela's life in captivity more humane and livable, including smuggling one of Mandela's infant grandchildren into the prison to visit. The two remain friends to this day. Thanks to Chris for the tip.

More good news -- several Democratic Senators have come forward to push for a "reconciliation" vote on Health Care reform with a Public Option. The reconciliation route refers to a method by which the Senate can avoid Republican filibustering and pass a bill with a simple majority, instead of the 60-vote super-majority that's usually required. The Democrats would do well to put together an omnibus Health Care and jobs bill to pass through reconciliation, otherwise they are very likely to face the 2010 elections with virtually no accomplishments to speak of since taking control of the White House and both houses of Congress. Nut up, Dems. Contact your Senators here and urge them to get on board before it's too late.

Some bad news: I don't know the man personally but Denver Nuggets coach George Karl seems like one of the all time great guys. After having beat cancer and watched his son, Coby Karl do the same in recent years, Coach has been struck by the Big C again. Does it ever seem that some of the best people in life are destined to suffer the most? Here's to a quick recovery...and a Nuggets championship in 2010.

Happy Valentine's, Dreamers

2010-02-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

O Canada

2010-02-13T17:29:00.000-08:00

The Winter Olympics are off to a shaky start, with a tragic fatality that the IOC blamed squarely on the competitor himself and a very pissed off Wayne Gretzky waiting on a defective giant cauldron to rise up out of the ground so he could light it with his holy Canadian sports torch. Or something.

Will valiant competition for Olympic gold in Vancouver help America overcome the New Depression? Probably not. But having NBC clear its schedule for a couple weeks will go a long way to heal the wound to our souls that was the New Late Night War.

Frankly, the Wet Dream is much more interested in the much-maligned NBA All-Star Weekend. That's right, I like the whole thing -- the dunk contest, Charles Barkley racing old men and talking nonsense, I've even been known to peep the Rookie-Sophomore game.

Check this out -- Gerald Green's "Birthday Cake" dunk from the 2008 contest. Green's artistry inspired this hilarious exchange on the Dream's favorite hoops blog.

As good as Green was, he didn't even win that year; Dwight Howard carried the day in a Superman get-up.

Makes you want to take your wife to the doctor sound bite 30 Rock sound bites

Looking for 5'6" showboat Nate Robinson to win the contest this year. The All-Star game itself is Sunday night, and worth watching. In other NBA news, everything is going to be okay with Birdman's hair.

In a spirit of international peace and understanding, the Dream will try to show more interest in the Olympics.

Update: Ok, so the dunk contest sucked this year. But Melo is balling in the All-Star game. Good clean fun.

The "My Way Killings" and Other Cross-Cultural Socio-Anthropolgical Internet Research

2010-02-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

Nothing screws up a wet dream like karaoke murders. The NYT has a fascinating piece on violence in karaoke bars in the Philippines. Apparently the Chairman Of the Board is still knockin' em dead from beyond the grave; disputes following barroom renditions of the Sinatra classic "My Way" have lead to at least 6 murders in the Pacific island nation in the last ten years. The problem apparently extends to some Southeast Asian nations as well: a man murdered eight people in Thailand after they murdered John Denver's "Take Me Home, Country Roads". Another intriguing tidbit: many Philippino bars "employ gay men, who are seen as neutral, to defuse the undercurrent of tension among the male patrons. Since the gay men are not considered rivals for the women’s attention — or rivals in singing, which karaoke machines score and rank — they can use humor to forestall macho face-offs among the patrons."

Sarah Palin proves she is ready for the big-time by writing notes on her hand and checking them visibly several times during her appearance at the "Tea Party Nation" bigot-a-thon. Ms. Palin also cleared up the recent controversy over use of the word "retarded": when Obama chief of staff Rahm Emmanual uses the term, it is a vicious attack on the disabled and a fireable offense; when Rush Limbuagh says it on his nationally syndicated radio show, it's a-ok. Got it? Good.

Other TPN highlights included Colorado's own Tom Tancredo proclaiming that those of us who voted for President Obama can neither read nor spell. The Dream is very proud of its keen spelling ability and will take none of this abuse from Mr. Tancredo. Tancredo suggests a feel-good antebellum South kind of solution: poll tests. We shall overcome, Tom. We shall overcome.

Johnny Cash: Beat poet? "I am the gun." Weird and wonderful Man in Black from 1970. Ok, maybe more weird than wonderful.

Duck face update: Megan Fox d.f.'ed the Super Bowl! For the love of God, why?

In other fuper bo news, everyone watched the fuper bo! As predicted, Peyton Manning was a horrible loser, storming off the field without congratulating the victorious Saints, and taking no responsibility for throwing the game-losing interception but mentioning his teammates' shortcomings in his post-game remarks. The Who's halftime performance must be considered successful, because they didn't show their tits.

Weekend Linkology

2010-02-06T10:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the weekend -- let's start with the one where I snort contemptuously in Nick Jonas' general direction. Now that that's out of the way...

A small measure of justice in a corrupt world? Perhaps. The company responsible for those insidious "free credit report dot com" jingles is being sued because -- wait for it -- the credit reports aren't free. Go figure. Nabbing 'em for false advertising is one thing, but what recourse do we have for the crimes against music perpetrated by these pirate-posing punks?

In other pop culture litigation news, Men At Work lost a copyright lawsuit that claimed their breakthrough Aussie anthem "Down Under" was stolen from an old campfire tune “Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree.” WTF? I don't hear it, do you? Damn pig lawyers, leave the Men alone.

The Super Bowl has been canceled -- no need for the whole song and dance because they already played it out on ColecoVision or something and the Saints won. Good job, Saints. So I guess that college football star who can't really play and paints Bible verses on his face can spare us his anti-choice propaganda commercial then. But all kidding aside, go Saints. If only because Peyton Manning gives the best sore loser face of all time.

I Cope with Sex and Awesomeness sound bite Alec Baldwin sound bites

If I was an imaginary TV show character Republican, I'd want to be Jack Donaghy.

You're welcome!

Here's some bonus Men At Work. These guys were my fav once upon a time.

I'll Play the Blues For You

2010-02-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

It's gonna take a whole lot of Blues Power to get us through this here New Depression, people. The Dream is on the case.

Junior Wells -- Chitlin Con Carne.mp3

Louisiana Red -- Bring it on Home to Me.mp3

B.B. King -- Don't Answer the Door.mp3

Koko Taylor -- Wang Dang Doodle.mp3

Tampa Red -- It Hurts Me Too.mp3

Muddy Waters -- Country Boy.mp3

Buddy Guy -- I'll Play the Blues For You.mp3

Ruth Brown -- Mama, He Treats Your Daughter Mean.mp3

Eric Clapton & Dr. John -- St. James Infirmary.mp3

Otis Rush -- All Your Love.mp3

Albert King -- Til My Back Ain't Got No Bone.mp3

Bobby "Blue" Bland -- Farther On Up the Road.mp3

The Fine Print: All songs posted on this blog are for sampling purposes only. Please support these artists by buying their music.

Siskel & Ebert &....Biden?

2010-02-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

2-D is just fine for good old Joe.

Reconsidering Duckface

2010-01-31T13:40:00.000-08:00

It's not a smile. It's not quite a pucker or a pout. It's meant to be more sexy than sneer. It hints at "attitude" and tries to tell the world "I'm ready to party" or maybe even "you want me." But what does duck face really tell the world about you?

More and more people -- especially young women trying to represent a kind of "personal brand" in their online pictures -- are falling victim to the countenance-twisting madness that is duck face.

Make the world a better place -- just say no to duckface. Here's a website dedicated to shaming purveyors of D.F. into changing their evil ways.

Check your friends' pictures on your favorite social networking site. How many of your young women friends are representing the flightless water fowl? Twenty-five percent? Half?

Any male duckface to be had? Middle aged duckface?

Are you concerned about the influence of celebrity duckface on your children?

Do you give duckface?

Are you an unconscious duckfacer? Or do you know exactly what you're doing when you wrinkle up into a platypus snout? Do you think it looks good?

Do you have a friend who needs a duckface intervention?

Maybe your sister? girlfriend? Is your own moms rocking the quacker? Cougar duckface could be, like, a whole branch of social anthropology unto itself.

Have you been putting off the duckface talk with a loved one because the topic is too painful to address?

Do you think going permaduck will get you your own reality show?

Everybody's A Phony

2010-01-29T16:12:00.000-08:00

The books of J.D. Salinger provided more solace to my teenage soul than most anything else before the onset of sex, drugs and rock and roll. I'm referring mostly to Franny & Zooey, Nine Stories, and Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction, though I later grew to appreciate Catcher in the Rye a great deal as well. It was endlessly gratifying to know that there were other creatures in the world as hopelessly twisted up in sentiment, over-analysis and longing as I was. The "creatures" I refer to are Salinger's characters; so completely did they fill the frame of imagination in his stories that on first read I may have never given the author himself a single thought. In them I felt I was meeting my friends and equals. I envied the children of Glass family. Though the absurdity of life pressed upon them most heavily, they faced the void with at least the memory of each others' sense of wonder and loss as guide and shield.

State of the Dream Links

2010-01-28T10:38:00.000-08:00

As President Obama considered his options for addressing the recession in his Wednesday SOTU, he could have done worse than to review the relative merits of Keynsian economics and the free market teachings of the "Austrian School" by watching this very erudite hip-hop video. That's right -- we're rap battlin' for the future of the American economy, son. This very funny video is the product of Econstories.tv, which according to its youtube channel is "a place to learn about the economic way of thinking through the eyes of creative director John Papola and creative economist Russ Roberts."

The speech itself? We got all the speeches we could want. Let's see action, boss.

So...the dude who made the ACORN pimp 'n' ho video tried to go all 007 and wiretap Senator Landrieu's phones? This is pretty awesome. Republican pratfall political espionage gangs tripping over themselves like right-wing Inspector Clouseaus. Apparently these guys come out of a "Gonzo" tradition of Republican campus journalism. Merry GOP Pranksters. These cats publish their little National Lampoon Mein Kampfs on campus and do crazy anti-liberal performance art in public with video cameras and listening devices and whatnot. The Wet Dream finds this story very entertaining, if not encouraging politically. Why doesn't our side have activists this ...committed anymore? Oh yeah -- these kids are in orange jumpsuits now.

Howard Zinn, author of A People's History of the United States, passed away. Zinn was one of the last American academics-as-rock-stars. His iconoclastic book looked at the dark side of the American experiment, focusing on the histories of the downtrodden and oppressed. While it makes many excellent points, the book's unremitting pessimism about American democracy, and indeed about the practice and profession of history itself, has contributed to a detached, corrosive skepticism about American history in millions of impressionable young people. There is more to history than The Man scheming to keep the people down, but you wouldn't know it from A People's History. Next time a high school drop-out tells you that history is just "his story," thank Zinn.

Finally, the great J.D. Salinger has passed away. The Dream is going to need some time with this one.

Hard Times

2010-01-26T16:23:00.000-08:00

Mary J. Blige - MTV Shows

Found this video of Mary J. Blige singing Stephen Foster's "Hard Times Come Again No More" at the Hope for Haiti telethon. Chills and even tears not out of the question if you press play. The poignance of the performance points first and foremost to the unbelievable suffering of the Haitian people, still digging out from the devastation and clinging to life in the chaos.
But "Hard Times" has a larger resonance for America as well. Foster's song, written in 1854 and a favorite at campfires both Union and Confederate during the Civil War, is the perfect anthem for the New Depression. America's got the blues something fierce right about now, and Lady Gaga ain't gonna get us through.

Bobby D. recorded a solo acoustic version of the song simply as "Hard Times" for his 1992 album of traditional songs, Good As I Been To You. But he really brings it alive with this band treatment for Willie Nelson's 60th birthday party.

Rest In Peace Kate McGarrigle. The recently deceased folk legend performs here with some very talented friends, including Emmylou Harris.
Here's a 1919 version by opera contralto Louise Homer.

The great Mavis Staples pretty much ends the conversation. Her version was recorded for Beautiful Dreamer: The Songs of Stephen Foster, a 2004 compilation. You can buy it here. Better yet, buy a copy of the Hope for Haiti album on iTunes and support the relief efforts there.

Apparently Bruuuce Springsteen, high priest of pop Americana, played "Hard Times" as part of his encores on his 2009 tour, but I couldn't find quality video to share.

Stephen Foster's original lyrics:

Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears,

While we all sup sorrow with the poor;

There's a song that will linger forever in our ears;

Oh Hard times come again no more.

Chorus:

Tis the song, the sigh of the weary,

Hard Times, hard times, come again no more

Many days you have lingered around my cabin door;

Oh hard times come again no more.

While we seek mirth and beauty and music light and gay,

There are frail forms fainting at the door;

Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say

Oh hard times come again no more.

(Chorus)

There's a pale drooping maiden who toils her life away,

With a worn heart whose better days are o'er:

Though her voice would be merry, 'tis sighing all the day,

Oh hard times come again no more.

(Chorus)

Tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave,

Tis a wail that is heard upon the shore

Tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave

Oh hard times come again no more.

(Chorus)

Funny / Tragic

2010-01-25T15:15:00.001-08:00

The Health Care Reform debate in a nutshell

TV Preview: Caprica

2010-01-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

The re-imagined Battlestar Galactica series that concluded in 2009 was the kind of cult show that quickly turned casual viewers into fanatics. Belying the stereotypes of Space Opera that define science fiction to some, BSG featured compelling and complex characters, adult relationships, and healthy doses of sex, religion and politics. Like The Sopranos or The Wire, Battlestar Galactica worked in long, intricate story arcs without easy moral reference points of good and evil. BSG also pulled off a spectacularly satisfying conclusion -- one that answered most every question viewers may have had while completely beguiling expectations.

So why not leave a good thing alone? Battlestar prequel Caprica answers that question with the resounding success of its two-part pilot episode. Set 50 years prior to the war portrayed in BSG, Caprica relates the genesis of the robotic Cylon race that would later rebel and battle its human masters. But more than that, Caprica is the story of a society inebriated by success, wealth and technological achievement -- think USA circa 1999.

Unlike its predecessor, which took grizzled military women and men as its main heroes, Caprica's pilot begins with teenage girls as its stars. Zoe Graystone (Alessandra Toresani), daughter of computer mogul Daniel Graystone, parties with her friends in decadent virtual night-clubs via the "holoband" -- an entity analogous to the internet that allows them to participate in the imaginary debauchery via "avatars" that lack physical reality. But Zoe is also an idealist who becomes revolted by the perverted values of her society and her peers, and seeks recourse in a militant monotheistic faith at odds with her peoples' traditional polytheism. Her club crew doubles as a revolutionary cell. When its most radical member triggers a tragedy that takes her life, Zoe's bereft parents are shocked but intrigued to learn that she has left behind a "perfect copy" of herself in holoband-land. Daniel Graystone becomes obsessed with reclaiming his daughter from death by transferring the consciousness of the avatar to a robotic body. In so doing, he opens a Pandora's box (Avatar pun intended) which BSG viewers know will ultimately engulf humanity in a cosmic conflagration.

Caprica's creators are quick to insist that the new show is not a science-fiction program, as such. It is, rather, a family drama set in a science-fiction environment. Dialogue rather than action rules the day. Don't expect much in the way of spaceships or explosions. The show's focus on female characters is partly intended to emphasize the family aspect of the plot and to expand the audience beyond the fan-boy geek squad that SyFy network programs often appeal to. But any discerning viewer who has already taken the BSG ride could tell you that Caprica is likely to reward anyone who gives it a chance.

The pilot episode (which has been available as a DVD or on-demand for almost a year) will air on SyFy Friday night, with original episodes to follow weekly thereafter. Incidentally, NBC owns the SyFy network...what with the 5 hours a week NBC must now fill to plug the scheduling gaps created by the demise of the Jay Leno Show, the network could do a lot worse than to pilfer SyFy for itself. Like its predecessor BSG, it deserves a much wider audience than the niche station can give it.

Official SyFy Caprica site here.

Bonus video -- apparently there was a "Battlestar Concert" this summer led by the show's brilliant composer, Bear McCreary. Here is his tremendous rendition of "All Along the Watchtower."

Black Tuesday Fall-Out

2010-01-20T14:57:00.000-08:00

This is like Washington was when I got there five years ago. You know, the Democrats really weren't sure they were Democrats. If you want to win, you actually can't sort of move to the middle and become a Republican. You've got to stand up and stand for the things that you got elected on and that the Democratic Party believes in and we haven't seen that in the healthcare bill and I think that's part of the problem.

Feel-Good Story

2010-01-19T14:52:00.000-08:00

Crowd applauds, chants "USA" as L.A. emergency workers free Haitian earthquake victim from rubble.

Linkage

2010-01-19T12:26:00.000-08:00

MacGruber! The trailer from the new SNL spin-off movie looks pretty funny. I'll take any chance I get to see Kristen Wiig as a glamorous action hero! Then again, how many SNL skits have made good movies...?

Clash of the Titans: The new Late Night Wars have really brought the gloves off. The monologues are like Jay-Z vs. Nas dis records. Leno is calling out Letterman for his "intern issues." I can't even find Conan video to link to, because NBC doesn't want it out there. Dave could have just stood aside from the whole thing -- nah! Watch him here lob bomb after bomb at Leno and NBC suit Dick Ebersol. These are huge corporate power players in mortal combat on your television every night. Bizarre and fascinating stuff. (He's being facetious about the Olympics; they're losing NBC a fortune)

Love the SW reference.

Our soldiers are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan with Jesusy rifles . Trijicon rifle sights, used widely by the U.S. military, are inscribed with abbreviations referencing New Testament Bible verses. Um, could somebody hand me a copy of the Constitution, please?

Obama says he will campaign for the Health Care Bill...if/when it becomes law. I say that's ass backwards. In some wonderful alternate universe, an American President is fighting for good legislation BEFORE Congress and the lobbyists turn it into useless corporate welfare.

From the faint glimmer of hope department: the Tea Party movement is tearing itself apart with acrimonious lawsuits.

From the gratuitous images of beautiful women department: Mad Men star / living doll Christina Hendricks looking gorgeous, if a bit spooked, at the Golden Globe awards.

Today, Jon Stewart speaks for the Wet Dream.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Mass Backwards

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

You're welcome!

Takin' It to the Streets

2010-01-18T15:31:00.000-08:00

Crowds are marching today in Los Angeles...for Conan O'Brien? Appreciate your activism, folks. But it is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. 'Memba him? Let's keep the TV stuff in perspective.

Pants on the Ground -- Update

2010-01-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

The "Pants on the Ground" phenomenon is sweeping the nation and changing the way we live. Fools across the country are under increasing social pressure to straighten their hats and pull their pants up. They might have to do something about the gold in their mouths, too.

Brett Favre rides the PotG wave to playoff victory.

I hope you have a loved one nearby, because here comes the PotG slow jam remix, y'all.

Hipster youth are also finding opportunities for deeply authentic self-expression through PotG.

Hip-hop will cleverly subvert the PotG challenge to its fashion and lifestyle by appropriating it. Seriously, this guy slays on beat box.

Cokeheads may resonate with PotG, but they also may not be able to remember how it goes when the bright lights and cameras come on.

This artiste boldly deconstructs PotG by modfying the lyrics to sing as Platt's "fool" in the first person. He takes ownership: I have my hat turned to the side, I have my goldpiece in my mouth. His interpretation of PotG challenges our notions of self and other. Who is the fool? Is it the singer, or the listener?

PotG brings us together and renews our faith.

Links Round-Up

2010-01-17T15:07:00.000-08:00

Finding the cool, funny & weird stuff on the web -- so you don't have to.

News Flash: The Bible is old. Scholars have discovered Hebrew writing four centuries older any other known. This may or may not mean parts of the Torah (first five books of the Old Testament) are older than previously thought.

The estate of Jack Kerouac was stolen by way of a forged will. The grand-daddy of the counter-culture died broke, but as his popularity and the monetary value of his legacy grew over the years, his daughter and nephew struggled through homelessness and poverty, and were shunned by the "Beat" literary community. Kerouac's friends feared to speak out against the Sampas family, relatives of one of Kerouac's wives who have hijacked the estate. Despite the author's own wish "not to leave a dingblasted fucking thing to my wife’s one hundred Greek relatives," the Sampases have sold original Kerouac documents to the highest bidder and denied access to scholars. Now that a judge has ruled on the forged will, the estate may eventually be liberated -- but the legalities are complex it remains in limbo for now. Unfortunately it's all too late for Jack's daughter Jan, who died of kidney disease in 1996. Sad story.

Here's a seriously wacky website that claims today's pop music videos are rife with occult symbols, placed there by Satanists, Freemasons and the "Illuminati" to indoctrinate the youth into their cults. The biggest culprit? Jay-Z. Holla!

School of Rock: Interesting page on Curtis Lee, an early protege of Phil Spector. Before the Don King hair and the murder and all. Free song file, great pre-Beatles rock 'n' roll sound.

Can't get enough Big Love? The perkiest polygamist of the Henrickson clan, Margene, now has a video blog. The Wet Dream brings it to you below. You're welcome!

Pants on the Ground

2010-01-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

The American Idol original was funny enough on its own. "General" Larry Platt obliterates the hip-hop generation with his original musical rant against saggy jeans.

But when Jimmy Fallon appropriated the tune to cover in his Neil Young guise, he broke the funny meter. Fallon's Young impression is dead-on -- he captures all the wistful hippie soul of the After the Goldrush or Harvest.

During my extensive research on this important topic, I discovered this illuminating and uplifting blog post: Jesus and Baggy Pants. "If Jesus loved the kid in baggy pants, so should you."

How is the Jesus Loves Pants on the Ground phenomenon affecting your community? As always, comments welcomed and appreciated.

Haiti -- What's Next

2010-01-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

The immediate issue in Haiti is saving lives by providing for the most basic needs of those affected by the earthquake: food, shelter, medicine, clean water, shelter. That in itself will be an incredibly daunting task. But then what? Here's a good post from another blog pointing out that the only imaginable way forward is for the U.S. to essentially make Haiti an American protectorate for the foreseeable future. Haiti currently has for the most part no functioning government, schools, hospitals, security. Most of Port-au-Prince didn't even have running water before the earthquake. Haiti will not be able to simply pull itself up by its bootstraps. Avoiding humanitarian catastrophe there will not be just a short-term project. This incredible natural disaster means we'll likely have a major presence there for many years to come. It will require a great deal of national will and a lot of American money. And it must be done.

Haiti will likely become in essence the third American protectorate acquired in the last decade. Iraq and Afghanistan have already bankrupted us, both morally and fiscally. Haiti gives us a chance to put our wealth and might to good use. But can we afford it? Just as during Katrina, too much of our military power is spread thin across the world, limiting our ability to respond to humanitarian crises with the speed and effectiveness they deserve.

President Obama must consider hastening our exits from Iraq and Afghanistan. Before even getting into deeper arguments pro and con for continued occupations, we must recognize that we simply cannot pay the cost of keeping significant combat forces engaged abroad indefinitely. Especially in the incredibly remote theater of Afghanistan, where each American soldier costs us $1 million per year and gasoline costs as much as $400 per gallon to get to the combat zones. The hopeless war at the top of the world is costing us $3.4 million per hour. We will never be able to completely control events in that part of the world and we should stop kidding ourselves that we can.

For God's sake, Mr. President. Bring the troops home. It's time to close the books on the Neo-Con fantasies of Bushworld. We need all our resources -- and then some -- to fix the damage of the last ten years and to meet our obligations right in our own backyard.

Goosebumps

2010-01-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

But some white people almost ruin it with their damn no-rythym clapping. Make us all look bad.

Pact With the Devil

2010-01-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

Olbermann kind of wore me out with his schtick about halfway through the last Presidential election cycle. But he speaks for me re: Robertson & Rush on Haiti.

P.S. I once held open a door for Pat Robertson and gave him directions to his hotel. When I looked in his eyes, I saw only swirling, pupil-less, black pools; he was clearly possessed by Satan. The Wet Dream wouldn't kid you about that kind of thing.

Haiti -- How We Can Help

2010-01-13T09:37:00.000-08:00

Haiti earthquake: How to help
A list of charitable organizations active in the nation -- click here

A Kinder, Gentler Late Night TV

2010-01-12T18:39:00.000-08:00

A taped sketch from the first season of David Letterman's original Late Night show had the funnyman consoling a young boy who was crushed because his favorite tv show -- something wildly inappropriate like Mama's House or Bosom Buddies -- had been canceled. Dave told the kid that losing shows was a part of life. There would be new shows. He had to buck up and move on with life. The kid was having none of it.

"I'll never watch tv again!" he pouted.

"Timmy, don't ever say that," Letterman chastised the youngster. "Not even as a joke!"

As a confirmed Letterman man, I really don't have a dog in this current late night fight. But I much prefer Conan's quirk to the low-brow, lowest-common-denominator schlock that Leno serves up.

It's sad in a way that Leno has become synonymous with mediocrity and soulless corporate product. As a young working comedian he was considered pretty cutting-edge and was one of the funnier regular guests on Letterman's show. For your enjoyment, here are some clips of Jay and Dave in the early days.

Are you kidding me...Jay rocks the Elvis pompadour while wearing a Members Only jacket. Check the proto-Seinfeld "Where is she going LATER ON?" outburst @ 2:30.

Chris Eliot as Leno on Letterman

Facebook ends 1400 years of acrimony between Islam & the West

2010-01-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

Guantánamo guard friends former captive, warring civilizations are reconciled. Maybe if we beat Al-Qaeda in a rousing game of Farmville we could all put this "war on terror" thing behind us.

Links Round-Up

2010-01-11T14:29:00.000-08:00

Finding the cool, funny & weird stuff on the web -- so you don't have to.

Guess what? Your facebook data isn't private.   Not just your pictures and such. Every message you've ever sent or received is archived somewhere, and right now some 23-year old facebook employee is probably reading your stuff and laughing their ass off. They also keep track of whose profile you view. How do we know all this? A facebook employee spilled the beans to therumpus.net . Insert your own Orwell joke here.

Obamakin uber-genius David Axelrod says Democrats will campaign in 2010 on the startling premise that they are not Republicans! It really is a brave new world.

Music Time! Aquariumdrunkard.com is a terrific music blog for grown-ups. Lotsa free, "real" music (i.e. not greasy kids' stuff) to be heard on the site. Don't miss recent updates on high-brow country crooner Jerry Jeff Walker and the tremendous gospel stylings of The Mississippi Nightingales.

Fair and balanced update: Sarah Palin joins the Faux News team!   Who ever saw this coming? In other political porn news, the Tea Party Nation claims liberals are uploading porn to their website! Those fiends!   Prayer warriors unite to smite the unholy jpegs!

Speaking of unholy abominations, all our sci-fi nightmares have come true: sex robots! I really haven't evaluated the doll herself -- I'm too creeped out by her, um, handler. Maybe Caprica Six will rescue her before that man can have his way. If you're ready to make the leap, truecompanion.com. Let us know how that worked out for ya.

You're welcome!

Democrats Fall Down, Go Boom

2010-01-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

So apparently it's ALREADY not cool to be a Democrat again. In the 2008 election cycle, Democrats persuaded the American people that it was time for change. Eight years under Bush and friends had convinced America the Republicans weren't fit to govern. After the election there was talk of the Republicans shrinking to a "rump" party, a primarily regional party based in the South that couldn't compete meaningfully in much of the rest of the party. But a year later, potentially vulnerable Democratic office-holders are heading for the exits, unwilling to defend their seats in 2010. Why? Apparently, Americans took the "change" pitch seriously, and are a bit disappointed to get none. Aren't they in on the joke? In all seriousness, the flagging popularity of Obama and the Democrats is not, as Fox News (and its subsidiary, the Republican Party) would have you believe, because America is turned off by the Dems' "radical left-wing agenda". Au contraire, mon frere. America is turned off by the LACK of a change agenda. We didn't vote for a Presidential candidate pitching "Stasis We Can Believe In" or "Corporate Bail-Outs We Can Believe In."

My naive self thought the passing of Liberal Lion Ted Kennedy might be used by Democratic leaders to persuade fence-sitters and "Blue Dogs" to get on board with meaningful Heal Care Reform. The way LBJ used the JFK murder to embarrass Congress into voting for Civil Rights legislation. No such thing. With Teddy gone, Congress acted like the adults finally went to bed and they could get down to the dirty part of the slumber party, by putting together a bill that is little more than a huge transfer of wealth from the U.S. Treasury to the insurance companies. No public option, no mechanism for price controls. No leadership from the White House towards a progressive bill that actually helps people. No shame.

Speaking of Teddy Kennedy, the race to fill his seat in Massachusetts -- possibly the most Democratic state in the country -- is unexpectedly close, with Democrat Martha Coakley trailing some Romney-esque haircut Republican by 1%, according to a Dem polling outfit.

Oh yeah, Harry Reid called Barack Obama the N-word. Well no, not THAT N-word. The-one-that-used-to-be-more-or-less-polite-but-you-just-don't-hear-anymore. Not that he's a big racist or anything necessarily. Just off-key, thoughtless and annoying. And he stands for nothing.

Hey let's bring back John Edwards! That cat really had game. We're talking Bill Clinton-like sexual prowess / churchiness / handsome Southern liberal white-boyness . Going the distance against Barack and Hillary and all the while he's getting down with that groovy hippie chick Rielle Hunter. I don't think enough has been said or written yet about the utter insanity of Edward's campaign. What indeed if he had been nominated, and the girlfriend story broke to the mainstream press, say a month before the general election? Hello President McCain! Read all about the craziness in New York Magazine excerpts from Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime, by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin.

The latest sign that the Obama White House is at the whim of forces beyond its control: The President is moving the State of the Union Address so as not to conflict with the season premiere of "Lost," the most tedious mess of a show to ever grace a flat-screen. SPOILER ALERT: 'the island' is just a day dream that Rahm Emmanuel is having while waiting on hold for the Health Insurance lobbyists he works for to pick up the phone. You're welcome!

Celtic Soul

2010-01-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

Memba' The Waterboys? Irish / Scottish / English combo that came on the scene in the early 80's. They started out with a "big" pop-rock sound not unlike what Big Country or The Alarm produced, but later took a hard turn towards Celtic folk. Could a group like this even get heard in America if they were coming up today? They were never Mouseketeers and they had no traction whatsoever with the 'tween set. They didn't get written up in gossip mags or date movie stars. They didn't have a soft drink tie-in or a car commercial. They just made thoughtful, literate rock music for grown-ups. But no reason not to make fun of their hair.

After their first couple of albums keyboard player Karl Wallinger broke off and started his own band, called World Party. Dude might have thought he was Prince. Great song, love the arrangement, terrible video.

Insidious Communist Plot to Destroy NBA All-Star Game

2010-01-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

NBA basketball is never lacking for drama, on or off the court. This league has more bizarre, fascinating storylines than a bad telenovela. L.A. Laker Ron Artest is probably recovering from his "fall down the stairs" with a fifth of Hennessey as we speak. Semi-benevolent league dictator David Stern today finally shut down embattled Washington Wizard guard Gilbert Arenas' production of "Shoot-Out At the OK Corral". But a cold war drama is unfolding on the hardwood that even the almighty Stern cannot stop. That task, dear reader, falls to you and me.

The Rise of International Homerism

Stern is an astute businessman who has succeeded in making basketball, and particularly the NBA, into a multi-billion dollar global phenomenon. But for some Association purists, the game's international appeal has a possible downside. The NBA is enormously popular in China, homeland of Houston Rockets center Yao Ming. After a few seasons of struggle adapting to the NBA style of play, Yao has become one of the most talented and dominating players in the league. Unfortunately his 2009-10 season has been lost to injury. But his stature at home, particularly the unquestioning fondness of Chinese fans for Yao's Rockets teammates, could have embarrassing repercussions come All-Star weekend.

Tracy McGrady is "The Manchurian Candidate"

Houston guard Tracy McGrady is a former All-Star on the downslope of a career that can only be categorized as disappointing. Though possessed of exceptional skills, McGrady has never been able to translate regular-season success into the victories that really count; his teams have never made it out of the first round of the playoffs. To be fair, the injury bug has long dogged McGrady -- but his absence from the team due to injury last year allowed the Yao-led Rockets to make their furthest push into the postseason in many years. More injuries, a deteriorating relationship with his coach, and the team's desire to shed McGrady's enormous contract (more than $23 million this year, making him the highest-paid player in the NBA) have lead to hard feelings and the benching of McGrady for much of this season while the team tries to trade him. He has been a non-factor on the court, playing a total of 6 games, averaging 7 1/2 minutes and just over 3 points. That's 47 total minutes of play all season. And yet, he is second overall in All-Star voting for Western Conference guards, meaning if the game were played today, McGrady would be a starter. This non-player is currently a thousand votes ahead of point guard supreme Steve Nash; he has about 2 1/2 times as many votes as the Nuggets' own Chauncey Billups, who ought to be under consideration for MVP of the league.

The culprit? A billion Chinese hoops fans with internet access voting at NBA.com, that's what. God love 'em, but this is an abuse of the democratic process. Everything Yao touches turns to gold in China, and his more prominent Rockets teammates are tremendously popular there, most likely explaining the big vote totals for McGrady.

I remember being about 8 years old and getting a lecture from my step-dad at the old Comiskey Park for punching my MLB All-Star ballot next to the name of every White Sox player. "Is Chet Lemon really better than Reggie Jackson?" he asked rhetorically. I had to admit he wasn't. "Don't be a homer!" he told me, and he wasn't talking Greek epic poetry or anticipating The Simpsons.

So how can patriotic Americans defend the sovereignty of our sport? Do like we did in Chicago: vote early and vote often -- after a brief and painless registration process, you can vote once per day here. Voting for Billups by no means qualifies as homerism -- he more than deserves All-Star honors, and the coaches may add him to the team regardless of fan voting. But when looking at Western Conference guards, consider also Nash -- who trailed McGrady by only a thousand votes as of the last standings update -- and equally worthy Hornets guard Chris Paul, who is down by just 10,000 votes -- not that many in the wide, wide world of the interwebs. Only 11 days of voting remain to get one of those guys past McGrady in the fan balloting.

Good News / Bad News

2010-01-06T11:19:00.000-08:00

Bad news first -- the real estate market isn't getting better anytime soon, the economy is hopeless, and we'll all be living in cardboard boxes soon.

The good news -- the new depression just so happens to coincide with the golden age of free everything on the interwebs! As long as we can afford our internet connections, or steal our neighbor's, we have all the free music, video, tv, and games we need to stay entertained as the world collapses around us! And with our new mobile devices, we can watch our fav crap tv shows from the 70's at nbc.com while we stand in line at the unemployment office! Or play an opponent from Saudi Arabia or China on yahoo! chess while we wait for help at the food bank! Or watch the "livestream" broadcast from Craigslist founder Craig Newmark's back deck, while searching Craigslist for a part-time job! Everybody's doing it. All free.

Every cloud has a silver lining, folks. So why don't you relax and enjoy this red-hot performance of Saint James Infirmary by Eric Clapton & Dr. John. You're welcome!

(p.s. Hey, any connection between the fact the economy doesn't work anymore and that everything we ever wanted is now free on the 'net? Just sayin'.)

Links Round-Up

2010-01-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

finding the cool, funny & weird stuff on the web -- so you don't have to

Having the "music talk" with your kids: Found a very amusing "emo / alt. / hipster" music blog called hipsterunoff.com. Credit to the blogger "Carles", who gets across his youthful audience's world-view with a glib mixture of painful earnestness and self-aware satire. Especially noteworthy is a magnum opus blog entry titled "The Most Authentic / Relevant / Successful Artist of the Decade." It's a sprawling, meandering discourse on pop culture with few or no references predating 1999, but full of hilarious gems like these:

"Maybe Linkin Park is a good thing for society since it is some sort of healthy therapy for people who can’t afford professional help."

"Zach Braff: Possibly the bro that we all were in 2k4.
Zach Braff: The Bro Nobody wanted to be 2k5-2k4evr."

"it is important for the legacy of a band to be ‘music that an entire generation listened 2 when u first started experiment with _________(drugs/alcohol/handjobs)"

After (facetiously?) crowning John Mayer "The Most Authentic/Relevant/Successful Artist of the 2k0 Decade," Carles muses nostalgically: ""Remember the time John Mayer got to be the only white bro in the Michael Jackson funeral show?" Hours of laughs and perhaps some genuine insight here.

Required Viewing: The People of Walmart. Pretty self-explanatory....think of it as National Geographic type photo-stalking of exotic and fantastical creatures, only in an exurban discount chain store setting.

Today in History: LBJ laid out his plan for a "Great Society" in his State of the Union speech, Jan. 4 1965. You know: health care, education, Head Start, all that kind of squishy liberal stuff. According to this article, he also proposed a 100-mph train between Boston and DC, and reform of the Electoral College. Sounds like change we can believe in.

Poor LBJ, that skirt-chaser Kennedy still gets credit for all the good things Johnson did.

Napoleon Complex Dynamite

2010-01-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

There is no "I" in team, Josh McDaniels reminded the Broncos today with his surprising benching of star WR Brandon Marshall and journeyman TE Tony Scheffler. There seems to be an "I" in coach, however. A very big one.

Facing a must-win game at rival Kansas City -- with every possibility of making the playoffs if they win -- McD in his infinite wisdom has elected to sit Marshall, who just weeks ago captured the all-time NFL single-game reception mark with 21 against Indianapolis. In this season's first meeting with the Chiefs, the Broncos had success on the ground and romped to victory. Maybe Josh McHubris doesn't think he'll need Marshall's production to eke out his 3rd win in ten games. But if the Broncos lose to the lowly Chiefs on Sunday, the decision to bench Marshall will be the crowning emblem of futility on a season which began in chaos springing from the immature character of its young coach, briefly overcame same in a dazzling show of promise, and finished by stumbling awkwardly into acrimony and mediocrity.

Marshall's benching -- do I have this right? -- is because Marshall isn't sure he can play. Or coach thinks he should want to play through injury more than he does. Or something. So he preemptively benched him. Kind of a "You're not sure you feel well enough to go out with me tonight? Never mind, I'm asking your sister out instead" kind of deal. If Marshall feels good enough to compete when game time comes around, well that's just too bad.

As it turns out, Sheffler is also being benched for "attitude" issues. Their real crime? Marshall and Scheffler are Shanahan hold-overs, not McDaniel's guys. You're either with this coach or you're against him; you're one of his boys or you're on the outside looking in. Just ask Peyton Hillis. Winning and all that jazz be damned.

With Eddie Royal potentially sidelined by neck injury, the Broncos' receiving corps will limp to the conclusion of the regular season with backups and practice squad players on the field. Josh McDaniels would rather win a pissing match with his own stars than beat another team in an NFL game and go to the playoffs.

New World A' Coming

2010-01-01T19:12:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year....I dare you to feel hopeless about the future after listening to Duke Ellington's majestic "New World A' Coming" -- click on the titles to play.

Duke Ellington -- New World A' Coming (intro)

Duke Ellington -- New World A' Coming

Ellington debuted this stunning composition at Carnegie Hall December 11, 1943, but these recordings come from the LP "Orchestral Works," recorded with the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra and released in 1966. The whole album is sublime; "Harlem" is particularly recommended. You can buy it here.

Hope springs eternal.

Best wishes for 2010!

Say It Right

2009-12-31T16:17:00.000-08:00

The powers that be have ordained the correct pronunciation of the new year as "twenty ten." This rather blunt dictate has come down to us from no less an authority than The Huffington Post, mind you. Saying "two thousand ten" is, apparently, to be considered an unpardonable faux pas. Pass it on.

Healing Dittos

2009-12-31T15:41:00.000-08:00

No plans yet for New Year's Eve? Join the online prayer vigil for Rush Limbaugh here. BYO oxycontin and schadenfreude.

The Dude Abides

2009-12-30T11:13:00.000-08:00

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me.

You want Big Lebowski academia? Got that too, right here.

Nostalgia -- Soviet Style

2009-12-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

What says fun like old USSR propaganda posters? Cold War nostalgia rules. More at forkparty here.
(P.S. I'm not sure why these men are kissing each other on the mouth. Homoerotic military Cold War nostalgia rules.)

Links Round-Up

2009-12-29T12:41:00.000-08:00

Doonesbury is still hilarious -- do you read it? Get caught up -- Trudeau still has his finger on the pulse of political humor in America.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised -- There are major developments taking place in Iran -- revolutionary crowds in the street, mass arrests getting virtually no attention from our news media. The tight control on media and internet in Iran are largely to blame, but the decimation of journalism and 24/7 rehashing of the failed exploding underpants attack are also to blame. Thank goodness for the NYT, which has relevant updates here.

Music Dept. -- Athens, Georgia singer-songwriter Vic Chesnutt took his own life on Christmas day. Sounds like the opening lines of a bad novel? Well it's true -- but his brilliant music lives on. Listen here.

Nuggets Preview

2009-12-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

Trouble in Nuggets-land, folks. Our squad has lost 4 of its last 5 and seems rudderless with PG Chauncy Billups sidelined by injury. Rookie PG Ty Lawson filled in admirably last night against the Mavs, but turn-overs and poor shooting by Anthony Carter hurt. The Nuggets depend on the scoring of league-leader Carmelo Anthony, and just 16 points last night wasn't enough. Poor passing and a failure to attack the basket sealed the loss (with a little help from the refs).

Tonight's opponents are the Sacramento Kings, a franchise on the rebound. Coach Paul Westphal has brought the Kings back to respectable levels of play after a dire 2008-2009 season. The Kings recently overcame a 35 point deficit to beat the Bulls, and took both the Lakers and Cavs to overtime. Rookie Tyreke Evans has impressed, but is questionable for tonight's game.

The Nuggets need to show they can still compete as a unit without Mr. Big Shot at the point. Let's put on our big-boy pants and beat the Kings tonight, Nuggets. Tip-off at 8pm Denver time on Altitude TV, radio AM 1510.

A Happy Ending for 2009 -- or -- Top That, Bill Clinton

2009-12-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, 2009 has been a difficult year: economic distress, political disappointment, the dawn of the Josh McDaniels era.

But as the year comes to a close, the gods have granted us a token of hope and renewal. We can greet the New Year with good cheer, reassured that no matter what evils we endure, the miracle of creation will never cease to unfold its wonders for our senses. What sign of benign providence has renewed my faith in the goodness of life at the end of this annus horribilis, you ask?

It's the discovery of a photograph of John F. Kennedy on a cruise ship full of frolicking, unclothed maidens, that's what. Scandal web-sheet TMZ has obtained the photograph, which experts believe was taken during a Mediterranean cruise in August 1956. The then-Senator Kennedy was accompanied on the party ship by little brother Ted Kennedy and fellow Senator George Smathers, according to JFK biographers. The gents didn't lack for female company, as the picture makes abundantly clear. For maximum enjoyment of the photograph, try to put out of your mind the fact that while JFK was rocking the orgy boat, a pregnant Jackie was rushed to the hospital for an emergency C-section, which failed to save her still-born child.

Sometimes history is the gift that keeps on giving.

Update: Alas, Wet Dreamers, turns out the man in the photo is not JFK. Back to the impenetrable gloom of reality....

Iranian Uprising in Full Gear

2009-12-27T11:59:00.000-08:00

The people of Iran are in the streets once again, protesting the stolen election and the repressive nature of Ahmadinejad's regime. Twitter reports tear gas, government thugs shooting down at crowds from rooftops, and talk of martial impending martial law. A general strike has been called for tomorrow. Isolated incidents of Iranian military and police personnel joining rather than attacking the crowds are confirmed by photo and video.

Gives you more than a few goosebumps to see the people of Iran stand up to the dictator and risk their lives battling his thugs in the streets.

Because the Iranian govt. heavily censors mainstream news sources there, Twitter has become an important method of communication for the protesters. You can follow the news -- such as it is -- coming out of Iran on twitter @ #iranelection.

Update: Opposition forces now claiming police are refusing orders to fire on protesters.

No way to know if this is real, but here is a message purporting to be from an armed Iranian resistance organization.

What Up With That (Version)

2009-12-26T13:31:00.000-08:00

Dress rehearsal take of Keenan Thompson's brilliant "What Up With That" featuring Mike Tyson

Jingle Bell Rock!

2009-12-25T13:59:00.000-08:00

This is the real deal, babies -- Merry Christmas!

Santa Duke

2009-12-24T15:16:00.000-08:00

This last is Duke's "lost" Christmas song, discovered by Ellington scholar Janna Steed and transcribed by jazz pianist Dan Knight. Performed by acapella jazz group "Magic 8" at "Jazz To The World," a holiday revue.

Merry Christmas to all from the Wet Dream!

Balloon Justice, Colorado-Style

2009-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

The infamous "Balloon Boy" hoax has reached its legal conclusion with the sentencing of
father Richard Heene to 90 days in jail. Balloon Mom Mayumi Heene was given 4 years probation, and the family faces a $44,000 bill for the cost of emergency response to the high-flying hoax.

The moral of the story? If you want to get on reality TV, do it the honest way: fake tans and science-fiction hair.

This Explains A Lot

2009-12-22T15:52:00.000-08:00

Darth Vader rang the opening bell on Wall Street today, announcing that with the passage of the Senate version of the health care bill mandating every American buy private insurance, the Sith take-over of the American political and economic system is complete. "You are all slaves of the Emperor -- he is your master now," Vader pronounced to stunned traders on the floor of the NYSE.

Shares of Goldman Sachs, AIG and Haliburton skyrocketed, as those companies were at last able to reveal their secret alliance with the minions of the Dark Side. "We believe our partnership with the Sith has positioned us well for continued market share growth," said a Goldman Sachs spokesman. "With the help of Lord Vader and his cronies, we intend to suck the blood out of this insignificant planet for a few decades longer, until it is completely stripped of all resources, before moving on to new opportunities in the Outer Rim. Shareholders will be the real winners in this partnership." Reports that Vader later strangled the spokesman to death with the Force were unconfirmed.

Reform Vomitorium

2009-12-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

Talk about screwing up a wet dream. The Senate Health Care reform bill is a transparent give-away of trillions of dollars to the insurance industry, and little more. Thank God there are Democrats in the House who realize this and will stand up against sham reform. Or at least one: Rep. Louise Slughter of New York's 28th District wrote an op-ed for CNN today, spelling out the reasons she believes the Senate bill is not health care reform. Slaughter is no light-weight; she chairs the powerful House Rules Committee. Cheers to Rep. Slaughter. Contact your rep here and ask them to stand with Rep. Slaughter for true health care reform. Um....yes we can?

Music Dept.

2009-12-21T11:29:00.000-08:00

Check out Califone's "Funeral Singers" here. Band-leader Tim Rutili describes Califone's sound as "making little pop songs out of found pieces." Their moody, bluesy guitar rock is a perfect antidote for excessive Christmas cheer. Oh, and they're from Chicago.

Mad Men update: Betty didn't put out

2009-12-19T10:15:00.000-08:00

Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner recently gave an interview to E! He discusses the surprisingly uplifting end to season 3 and reveals little about season 4 other than to say that Betty will return. Turns out Betty didn't sleep with Henry. Regarding her divorce from Don, one of the writers says her character "will go through this process while learning the least amount possible." Sounds about right.

Read the whole interview here. Season 3 seemed too short!

ABC: Always Be Cobbling

2009-12-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

Best SNL X-mas ever. Baldwin transposes his brilliant Glengarry Glen Ross monologue to Santa's Workshop. "Second Prize...a box of candy canes."

Obama Health Care Sell-Out Alienates Supporters

2009-12-18T15:13:00.000-08:00

This is painful stuff for us true believers circa 2008.

Wacky Republican Fridays: "the incognito attempts didn't work"

2009-12-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

Palin Flees Hawaii as Visor-Gate Erupts

Sarah Palin's latest headlines came from pictures taken this week of the former VP candidate on vacation in Hawaii wearing a John McCain visor with his name blacked out. Subtle statement, Sexy Sarah. Not satisfied with the attention gained by Visor-Gate, the ex-gov is now fleeing the Aloha state, as she explains in this dramatic press release.

One good thing that's come out of the Health Care debacle

2009-12-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

Al Franken telling Joe Lieberman to shut up. They can't take this away from us, at least.

So Bad it's Good: Holiday Edition

2009-12-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

You haven't lived until you've seen Carrie Fisher sing for the Wookie "Life Day" celebration on the schlock TV legend "Star Wars Holiday Special" broadcast exactly once in 1978 on CBS. Other low-lights include appearances from Bea Arthur and Jefferson Starship. The one redeeming quality of the show is a rather sophisticated animated sequence that introduced Boba Fett for the first time. See more here.

How wasted was Carrie Fisher when they shot this?

Churchill: Warrior for Democracy, or Deadbeat Drunk?

2009-12-17T10:03:00.000-08:00

Sure, he assembled the coalition that beat Hitler, but Winston Churchill also left an unpaid bar tab in India....check it out here.

1/2 off Avalanche Tickets for 12-26-09

2009-12-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

because everyone knows the Wet Dream is a huge hockey pimp -- (click here)

Dream Team

2009-12-16T17:26:00.001-08:00

Alicia Keys and MC Stephen Colbert rock out Empire State of Mind

Links Round-Up

2009-12-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

Star Wars Freakonomics: anytime the NYT wants to publish psuedo-intellectual rationale for Star Wars, the Wet Dream will be there!

So Bad it's Good...or at least mildly diverting:
MTV's Jersey Shore is the worst thing on television...and exactly the kind of mindless distraction we need to survive the new depression! Play along at home with the Jersey Shore nickname generator (click here). Keep it classy, Guidos and Guidettes. (My result: "The Deltoid")

Bronco Fans: Sometimes it seems Josh McDaniels would rather make a point than make a first down. Wondering why Payton Hillis can't get any touches? So is Dave Krieger.

Happy Wednesday, Wet Dreamers!

Howard Dean: Kill the Bill

2009-12-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

Progressives, rejoice. We do have a leader after all. His name is Howard Dean.

As President Obama sent Rahm Emmanuel to grovel at the feet of -- *gack* -- Joe Lieberman to save a heavily watered-down bill which contained no public option and no mechanisms for containing costs, but burdened citizens with a requirement to buy insurance, the conscience of the Democratic party finally could stand no more. In a radio interview today, Howard Dean, former Governor of Vermont and past Chairman of the Democratic National Committee called on progressives to kill the bill. Removal of the Medicare buy-in proposal (a weak substitute for a true public plan in any case) makes the current Senate bill bereft of any real reform.

“This is essentially the collapse of health care reform in the United States Senate," Dean told Vermont Public Radio today. "Honestly the best thing to do right now is kill the Senate bill, go back to the House, start the reconciliation process, where you only need 51 votes and it would be a much simpler bill.”

Other progressive opinion leaders, such as DailyKos founder Markos Moulitas and Congressional candidate Darcy Burner, concur.

Breaking with President Obama is painful, but at this point necessary. Health Care reform under Obama has been the longest, ugliest, slo-mo liberal cave-in to corporate interests and the status quo in recent political history.

Update: Arianna Huffington talks straight on The Ed Show:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Nuggets Preview

2009-12-14T14:52:00.000-08:00

The Mighty Nugs are taking on the Oklahoma City Thunder tonight. Don't sleep on the Thunder; they're playing better than .500 ball and feature the explosive talents of Kevin Durant, 21 year-old swingman straight of of D.C., who trails only LeBron and our own Melo Man in points per game this year. (Melo is tops with 30.3 ppg, LBJ 2nd at 28.8 and Durant is 3rd with 28.3). Durant is like a more athletic Kevin Garnett who can take you off the dribble and dunk on you, or make it rain from the 3-point line. He's likely to be tearing up the Association for many years to come.

So here's hoping Santa Claus -- better known in these parts as Chris "Birdman" Andersen -- shows up big and swats that sh*t into the 10th row. A healthy Kenyon Martin would also come as a welcome holiday blessing.

Wishing you a very Polygamist Christmas!

2009-12-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

Wishing you could spend this holiday season with the radical Mormon splinter group from HBO's Big Love? Well now you can! Roman Grant and his flock want to serenade you with the sounds of the season for free, here: A Juniper Creek Christmas. Kind of makes the Dylan X-mas record look like Dark Side of the Moon by comparison, doesn't it? The freaky red-state fornicators of Big Love start a new season January 10.

Music Dept.

2009-12-13T12:16:00.000-08:00

For your Sunday listening pleasure, the incomparable Nina Simone.

I Shall Be Released

“How do you explain what it feels like to get on the stage and make poetry that you know sinks into the hearts and souls of people who are unable to express it?”

Wacky Republican Fridays

2009-12-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

Michael Steele keeps it real with his interns. Oh hell yes! (click here)

Day of Mourning

2009-12-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

Sad news here.